Remorse is the Pain of Sin…
Well I thought yesterday would be better then the day before (my last posting will tell you that). Unfortunately it ended in a much worst state. Yesterday I was rude and dense to someone dear to me. I totally lost my bearings and snapped. The whole night after the incident I can’t help but feel regret. I went through the night thinking of the root of my uncontrolled nature. It’s easy to point to others but I guess its back to me, as it normally does. I’ve sort of lost hope, hope for others understanding. I guess I should not be hoping for that. Maybe I am just making too many excuses maybe it has always been my fault. Maybe, maybe…..I don’t know. The more I try to look for an answer the more questions that I encounter. I have always tried my best to accommodate everyone.
Yesterday I tried to please everyone but ended up upsetting everyone.
I may not be the most perfect of being but I always make it an effort. Effort which I find can never be enough. There are times that I feel that I am nearing my breaking point. But fortunately I can still hang in there. But lately I ve been feeling some chest pain when I m stressed out. I ve never mention this to anyone apart from my fiancée. I don’t want unwanted attention on it as it’s probably nothing. It’s probably my chest muscles growing but hopefully it’s not Mr. H deteriorating. Hahah. I know I have a family history but they say it maybe caused by stomach discomfort and yup exercise. I know some of you think that I have a middle child syndrome and yearning for attention. I seriously don’t think so if anything I think I need less of it. I just felt I needed to get it out. At least this blog knows. Before this I had my rugby, now I have the gym and this blog as a punching bag. Some of what I say may not be right or even sane but I don’t care cause this blog is my own domain and territory.
I really regretted what happened yesterday. I was really weak for letting myself bow to my demons. The only thing I manage to do yesterday was say sorry to him. That was the only thing I could do. I hope he can find it in his heart to forgive me. I hope he understood that at the time I just lost control of myself and I didn’t mean to cause hurt. Its true, remorse is the pain of sin ….
Well I thought yesterday would be better then the day before (my last posting will tell you that). Unfortunately it ended in a much worst state. Yesterday I was rude and dense to someone dear to me. I totally lost my bearings and snapped. The whole night after the incident I can’t help but feel regret. I went through the night thinking of the root of my uncontrolled nature. It’s easy to point to others but I guess its back to me, as it normally does. I’ve sort of lost hope, hope for others understanding. I guess I should not be hoping for that. Maybe I am just making too many excuses maybe it has always been my fault. Maybe, maybe…..I don’t know. The more I try to look for an answer the more questions that I encounter. I have always tried my best to accommodate everyone.
Yesterday I tried to please everyone but ended up upsetting everyone.
I may not be the most perfect of being but I always make it an effort. Effort which I find can never be enough. There are times that I feel that I am nearing my breaking point. But fortunately I can still hang in there. But lately I ve been feeling some chest pain when I m stressed out. I ve never mention this to anyone apart from my fiancée. I don’t want unwanted attention on it as it’s probably nothing. It’s probably my chest muscles growing but hopefully it’s not Mr. H deteriorating. Hahah. I know I have a family history but they say it maybe caused by stomach discomfort and yup exercise. I know some of you think that I have a middle child syndrome and yearning for attention. I seriously don’t think so if anything I think I need less of it. I just felt I needed to get it out. At least this blog knows. Before this I had my rugby, now I have the gym and this blog as a punching bag. Some of what I say may not be right or even sane but I don’t care cause this blog is my own domain and territory.
I really regretted what happened yesterday. I was really weak for letting myself bow to my demons. The only thing I manage to do yesterday was say sorry to him. That was the only thing I could do. I hope he can find it in his heart to forgive me. I hope he understood that at the time I just lost control of myself and I didn’t mean to cause hurt. Its true, remorse is the pain of sin ….
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